as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
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you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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