...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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