That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
