hotel room ftw
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
