Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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