She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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