new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
