When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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