I wannas sexs uuuuu
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
