I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
