drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
