Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
