You really coming over, don't trick.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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