my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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