You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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