Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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