WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
