She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
