Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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