Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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