i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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