I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
