Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
