Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
