I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
