for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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