If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
