So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
