Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize