Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
