i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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