Where are you?
In a non slutty way
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
