if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
