Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
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i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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