i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
