Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
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Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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