thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
