Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
