If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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