I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
