I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
