There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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