i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
