do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
