I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and she was petting her beer can
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
