ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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