If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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