So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
