i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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