if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
