I need to stop coming to work sober
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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