I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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