Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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