Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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