the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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