Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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