Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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