I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hate all girls vehemently.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
