every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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