chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
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It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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