Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
