This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
