Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
