when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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