You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
