I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
how drunk are you?
Several
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
