i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
