so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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